LATE!!

7:00am
My first of four alarms goes off. I roll over, still a little exhausted from the mounting week, especially in light of the prior day's three-show day, and adventures in oil-changes. Plus, I don't have to be on the road until 8am.

7:46am
My eyes shoot open, as I realize what has happened. I need to be on the road in 14 minutes!! Into the shower, make coffee, pack the bag like a maniac and race out of the apartment, sound equipment and props in tow.

8:06am
I'm in the car and driving. I have about 15 minutes of leeway to make sure I'm at today's performance an hour in advance, as I am contracted to be. I'm driving up to the base of the Adirondacks, a lovely area, but a long drive. I pull onto Flatbush Avenue, as directed by the GPS, and start praying.

8:17am
I've gone two blocks.

8:21am
I'm screwed.

8:33am
I make my way to the BQE, through "secret" back roads, and start racing towards the 'Dacks.

8:46am
The BQE is at a stand still. Appears a trucker jackknifed, and is blocking two of the three lanes in front of me.

8:54am
I'm really screwed.

9:06am
I finally make it to the NY State Thruway. It has taken me a full hour to get from Brooklyn to the Bronx. My commute, by subway, to the Bronx Zoo is only a half-hour longer. I crank up my driving mix (which starts with Rascal Flatt's "Life is a Highway"), and start cruising. And praying.

11:14am
I've made good time, flirted with speeding tickets and (according to the GPS) shaved 17 minutes off of my estimated arrival time, but I'm still scheduled to be 25 minutes late. And I'm stopping for food. You see, if I don't eat, I'll pass out, and we can't have that. Pizza Familia quickly heats up my pizza slice, serves up a salad, tosses me a Coke and rings me up in under three minutes. Things are looking up.

12:15pm
I'm officially late, and about 25 miles from my destination. I've called every number I can to alert the school of my impending tardiness, but nobody's answering. And I can feel my blood pressure rising.

12:38pm
I follow the GPS to the purported school location. It does not exist. Deer in the surrounding forests shake as they hear my primal screams.

12:42pm
I'm in a Stewarts Shop (Upstate gas station chain) asking for directions. Turns out the woman behind the counter knows about my show, as her son is expected to be in the audience. "Aren't you starting pretty soon?" she innocently asks. I decide not to answer.

12:48pm
I arrive at the school, pull my stuff from the car, and start lumbering towards the school. My prop box falls open, and my suit falls into a puddle. Birds flee the area in fear.

12:49pm
Coleen, my super contact, appears in the parking lot. Turns out she got my message, and is ready to fly into action. She must to have magical powers, as we unload, put up my set, check sound, and clear the auditorium in under 20 minutes. I ask her if she'd like to come on the road with me, after briefly considering a marriage proposal. She politely declines.

1:16pm
The show starts. One minute late. And it is an awesome, awesome show.



Call tomorrow: 6am, Syracuse, NY. I'm off to Calcium and Remsen, NY. WOOHOO!!

Kid quote of the day: I asked if somebody can name a grain, and a precocious kid told me that oatmeal was a grain. I acknowledged him and told him he was absolutely right. And then he told me: "Oatmeal's on my brain, so it makes me smart."